I hope someplace nice-
Fatniss just awoke from her slumber
Boy painting a Greek temple
Photographer and date unknown
(*Papou and cousins would call me that to torture me as a child. I feel it’s apropos because what is happening is far out of the range of Anastasia’s life experience)
The other day, a boy from my other history class asked if I’d like to get coffee. I said yes, why would I say no? We got coffee. It was good. It wasn’t ‘wow’. It wasn’t bad. I don’t know. I’m not much good at conversing. He’s intelligent.
He just texted asking if I want to meet on Monday.
And I’m laughing. ha ha ha. I don’t know what I’m doing. I have a movie date (date no. 2) tomorrow night with guy number one.
I’m literally sitting here right now laughing out loud.
I’m also trying to take things day by day.
Here is my dilemma: I’m a serious person. I don’t see the point in dating someone unless I see long-term potential.
I like guy number one. He is sweet. But he is not smart enough. I don’t mean to be mean. I’m not calling him stupid. But there must be that emotional and intellectual element to the relationship. I need to be able to talk about philosophy and my anxiety and life and theories and books, among the lighter stuff. It’s what I need. It’s what I lack with my family. I don’t get to talk about any of that with them. I need a mind with which to fall in love.
The problem is I’ll be too fearful to get close with someone intelligent, because I’ll eternally be self-conscious and feel I’m not good enough. I’m afraid of the minds I need.
I see the purpose in my pursuing a less-serious relationship with someone—experience. It’s the one thing I lack.
I’m very good at school because I’ve got many years under my belt. But I fail with people. So I need to immerse myself in that which scares me. I need practice.
But is that wrong of me? (I’m just coming out of a unit on Nietzschean amorality, wherein wrongness is contingent and quite the nebulous topic. But for the sake of simplicity, let us cling to the traditional, societal conception of morality)
..take things day by day..
What is dating, really?
(seriously, I don’t know. I warmly welcome any and all insight and advice)
Just woke from a nap with this one-
Enjoying what is likely the last fire of the season with belloolah.
Je suis content-
Francis Alys - Sometimes Making Something Leads to Nothing (1997)
one of my favorite pieces
The Great Pyramids of Giza, as you’ve never seen them before — at the edge of a sprawling metropolis and the vast desert.
Well that’s a sad sight-
my hair smells so good today
Is it socially acceptable to wrap it around my face while I write?